Imagine living inside of an egg. It’s dark, warm, and cozy. Everything your heart desires is here. No worries in the world. No stress. You are very content to stay in a snug little egg. Your dream in life is to stay content in your egg. To spend long afternoons nestled inside your egg dreaming of your beautiful egg.
But then, slowly, you notice that you are getting a little cramped in the egg. Your food supply is getting low. Soon the walls of your comfy egg seem a lot closer they once were. It is not so nice anymore. It’s wet, sticky and starting to smell. You squirm around and are not so cheery any more. The distress is overcoming you. No longer able to stretch your legs or reach that itch on in the middle of your back. Each breath becomes more and more difficult to do. It is now a conscious effort to remain calm. Once you become so distressed that you start hating where you are at, and then you begin to notice that you are hating where you are at and you will do anything do leave this place. And then…crack! Something changes. You have this uncontrollable urge to push the walls out of your way. This is all new to you.
“Since when do the walls break?” you ask yourself. “The walls aren’t supposed to break! Something is wrong here! Something must be wrong with me! I hate this!”
Then...you hear a voice. It’s a voice that sounds familiar but you can’t exactly place where you’ve heard it before.
“My sweet chick. I am the guardian of the farm. I am the Farmer.” It says, “You can get through this. You didn’t ask to be put in this situation, but I am here to guard you and watch over you. You can break through this wall and become the beautiful chicken that you were meant to be.”
The voice is soothing and calm. You feel trust in this voice. The voice says to break the wall. But you don’t want to break through the wall. The wall is unyielding and firm. And you are not sure that it is really suppose to be broken. Wasn’t it there for a reason?
“Sweet chicken, I know you will get through this okay, little chick.” The voice comes again, “I love you little Chick. You will come through this challenge stronger than you are now. You will get through this wall, and you will become the beautiful chicken that you were made to be.”
“Ok,” You say to yourself. “I’ll do what the voice asks me to do. I’ll break through the wall.” With your entire little chick might, you ask the wall to break down. But sadly,nothing happens. You ask again. “Please wall, I need you to come down.” And again, nothing happens. The wall is still there, cracked and you are still uncomfortable.
“Hello! Hello out there!” you chirp towards the voice. “Farmer, could you help me out a little? The walls aren’t coming down and if you would remove them for me, then I’ll be able to do what you ask. Then I’ll be able to come and be that chicken you were talking about.”
No answer.
“Excuse me! Farmer, I need you to remove my walls! I can’t do this without your help here! If you want me to do what you asked, then help me with these walls!”
How dare it! How dare that voice encourage you through this ordeal and then abandon you! That voice said that he loved you! And now, while in your darkest moments. When you need the Farmer the most, he is gone.
“Mr. Farmer, I hate you! You did this to me! This is all your fault! I wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for you! How dare you say that I could break through this! You’ve left me, you have gone far away not caring or thinking of me. Why should you care anyway?”
“Peck Sweet Chick! Peck!” came the whisper.
Did you understand that right? Was that the Farmer? The Farmer was telling you to peck. To peck at the walls that have protected you for so long. They have kept you safe and warm. The walls are so strong. There is no way that you can peck at them and make any difference.
Then you begin to say to yourself, “ I am so weak. I am nothing. I can’t accomplish this task given to me. I don’t deserve the Farmer. He must hate me.”
After much squeaking and squawking, you decide that life is miserable within the walls. It’s to much to handle. You feel abandoned and you want to give up. The darkness surrounds you and you are ready to let the darkness win.
Once again you hear the voice. “Little Chick! Little Chick I love you! Peck Sweet Chick! Peck at the walls of your egg!”
What? It is the Farmer again? This gives you hope. Maybe all is not lost. “Perhaps I haven’t been forsaken.” You begin to peck away at your wall, a warm light surges in. The light feels so delicious that you continue pecking away…piece by piece, bit by bit. The hole is becoming larger.
“Farmer!! I poked a hole!! Please remove the rest of the shell! I did what you asked! Help me here!”
“Keep pecking! Don’t stop now! Peck Sweet Chick Peck!
Then, your head pokes out. There is definitely more to see on this other side of the wall. You peck some more, biting away the now nuisance of a wall. You are determined to overcome this challenge of a wall. The wall is then gone. Broken bits are scattered on the ground. You are free of your egg.
“Sweet Chick! You have arrived! I am so grateful we did it!”
Wait a second. Did he just say we?
“Excuse me Mr. Farmer. Thank you for your encouragement but I am the one that freed me from my cell. I did it with no thanks to you. I was the one poking and biting away until the walls fell down. You had nothing to do with this, and how dare you try to say you did! You said you loved me but you abandoned me!”
“Oh, my Sweet Chick. I have never abandoned you. While you were growing in your egg I was here. When your egg cracked I was here also. And when you poked out of your shell, I was here too.”
“Then why did you not assist me when I called for your help! I needed help and you did not answer!”
“Sweet Chick, I could not remove your egg because it would harm you, you would not become what you needed to become. Every chick must discover its own path out of the egg. If anyone else was to pull you from the egg, you would not be able to reach your density of a beautiful chicken. It would harm your progress. I am here to guide you on your path and to protect you from the wolves that may surround you. But only you could choose to emerge from your egg. ”
When a rape victim is going through the healing process, anger toward God is a common step in the healing process. This step is not only familiar with rape victims, but also with anyone who has been traumatized in any way. Being angry towards God is part of the healing process. If you are feeling anger towards God for this terrible thing that has happened to you, congratulations, you are on your way to healing from this atrocity.
“So, why God? Why did this have to happen to me? To this person I love,to my sister,my daughter,my mother, or my wife? Why did this happen?”
Only God can answer those questions. His answer is most likely to complicated to be explained in this life. However, I can tell you some of his answer:
Take yourself back to a time when you were a young child. The world was full of wonder and new things that we were so anxious to discover and explore. As a child, we are only able see things at about 3 feet high. Everything over three feet and we had to have assistance to know what was “up there.” I remember trying to get a drink from the drinking fountain and not being able to quite get my mouth up to the cold water. I could grab the button for the water, but I just wasn’t quite tall enough for more. I knew the water was there even though I could not see it. I would then cry until my mom, dad or older sister would come and lift me so that I could see and reach the water. I also remember standing on my tippy-tip-toes trying to reach the cookies that were on the counter that I couldn’t quite grasp.
Now as a parent I am able to see my children stretch their arms to try to reach those tempting cookies. But do I automatically pick them up everytime? No, of course not. Many times I watch from the side to see what their clever mind is able to come up with to get those cookies. Perhaps he will scoot a chair over to the counter or maybe he will ask an older brother to lift him up. Sometimes, he even asks for my assistance-which I am happy to give.
When we go through trials, God is there watching us like a parent or farmer. He is watching us learn and grow, giving us encouragement along the way. He is not a magician, ready to wave his magic wand to make all of our troubles disappear. Take a baby for instance. If a baby is not given the opportunity to tumble and fall, he will not learn to crawl and walk. The hard times are necessary in order to learn how to run. But the parents are there watching every step, preventing some falls and helping when we topple over.
God is the same way. He watches us learn through trials and experience growth. He knows that there will be times when we tumble in life and it will hurt. Not only will it hurt to crash to the ground, but the healing will hurt also. However, He never abandons us. Even if we think he has, he never will. He is there waiting for us to be ready to have him help us heal. Our parents are looking after us for what is best for us, just as he is looking after us.
If God is protecting us and knows all of the answers, then why did this happen? WHY GOD WHY!?! “Why?” is the question that never seems to be completely answered to a rape victim. There is a very simple answer to this question. That answer is…..I don’t know. Sometimes we will never know why such horrible things happen. If you do not have the answer to this question will you still be able to heal? Do you think God will provide a way for you to heal if you never have the answer to “WHY”? If you do not have the answer will you refuse to heal? There is a universal law that gives every person on earth agency. Every man, woman, child has agency. Everyone has their own will, what they choose to do with it is their agency. God will not take agency away from anyone. This agency may be used to become a perpetrator or it may be used to heal from the perpetrator. It is your choice to let “WHY?” be the reason that you will not heal. Many of us “suffer needlessly from carrying heavy burdens because you do not open your hearts to the healing power of the Lord.”
Healing will take time. Peace takes time. Once you allow God to guide your healing, the process will accelerate. “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Psalms 147:3
If Jesus Christ was able to heal lepers, the blind man, the lame man, and the dead man, why not the rape victim. Are we the exception to his healing powers? No. We are able to heal. There may be times in this process when we may feel as if our Heavenly Father has forsaken us. That he is not near us in our time of need. Where is he at this time? I don’t know. I do know that he will never be far from those who want him near. He wants to be there for every step that you make and every piece of shell you remove. He will only interfere when we want him to AND when he sees it best for us. Jesus Christ is waiting at the door, waiting for us to knock and to ask for his help.
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. Revelations. 3: 20
Healing is not easy. Some of the feelings that you might feel are anger, hate, confusion, bitterness, irrational thoughts, shock, fear, rage, sadness, sorrow, guilt, helplessness, and the list can go on and on. These stages of healing, if not dealt with, will become more and more harboring and difficult to live with and heal from. We may find ourselves overwhelmed with these emotions and feelings that we do not understand.
But, we do not need to know how our muscles and bones work in order to learn to walk.
These are natural feelings that occur within the healing process. Feeling these emotions are signals from our loving Heavenly Father telling us that it is time to heal from this traumatic event. Each emotion is attached to a step within the healing process. That is the time to ask him what we need to do next in our healing journey. If we do not completely heal, the negative emotions we hold on to will eat away at our happiness, our health, our families, and out spirit. Protecting the stain on the carpet will not help it be removed any easier. The sooner it is scrubbed at, the sooner it will have no effect on the carpet. Scrubbing is strenuous. It will exhaust you and many times you will wonder if you will ever be finished. You can do it. The Lord will guide you through your shell.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Matt. 7: 7,8
Now is the time to ask the Lord what we need to do next. What we need to do to heal from our current layer of the onion. He is waiting on the other side of the door to whisper to you the answer you need. The answer that will help lead you to becoming the beautiful daughter of God that he knows you can become. The answer is there. Listen. Can you hear it? Can you hear the Farmer calling to you? What is he telling you to do?
